To my mom who always used to say “Sometimes you really can’t take on all of the problems of other people. It becomes too much”. And to people who’ve accredited my sadness about the world in general to having to bare the weight of other people’s struggles so much. This is my example of how much I find strength in understanding. In a specific example of a text message I sent two nights ago to one of the most important people I’ve ever known:
~disclaimer this is a 4 am text and it’s quite often for conversations to lead into this degree of thinkin. we getting deep deep in the chat~
“I wish I could rip open my entire torso sometimes to show you there’s no black space. Nothing you say to me just disappears in some void in an empty echo. I’m entirely here for you. And I see you for everything you are. A big giant ocean of yellow light is inside of my chest just waiting to release for you and hold what you have to say. There’s no kinks, misthreads or buffers when you speak shit into me. When you talk to me about your issues you just dissolve into this body of light that’s in me and I’m always molding myself back around it and coming back around to meet it. I want it to become me so I can figure it out. and I let it stretch settle and even out so it’s not balled up or inconsistent. Now your hurt exists in two places. We’re breaking it down And now it stares back at you through me
hopefully you can see it better.
As I communicate through it and I permeate it so maybe one day it will fade away. We will always figure it out Everytime you talk the light just keeps getting bigger to make more room. It doesn’t shut off. Or turn black. Because I don’t turn my back to it. It’s not something to wrestle with. It doesn’t destroy me. I’m here to help you. When people share the deepest sides of themselves with us and merge with us. It isn’t supposed to appear like choppy waters. I Surrender. Because I have room for you. You are infinite. I am infinite. And I can stomach you. We act like listening to people and really hearing people for their struggles is made out to be such a chore sometimes.”
I approach people’s pain with all of me simply by just relaxing and surrendering to what they have to say and what naturally arises in my chest to communicate to them. To really listen Is not a process that requires festering up a lot of energy. The yellow light process that happens within me is a step further in dealing with bad shit, but it comes from the place of opening my heart to the person completely. I don’t feel depleted when I help people. Because I don’t separate myself from people’s pain. Yes I hurt for the world. I hurt all the time. There’s never going to be a time where I don’t feel it when someone is spilling their fears, struggles or insecurities to me but understanding what makes people hurt is what makes everything less painful. Every chance I get to do so I am glad I’m able to. And I believe the things expressed in sadness allow to people to drift in and out of situations better and flow more cohesively. How many times have you felt blocked off with someone because you’re not sure when you can get vulnerable with them when something crosses your mind? Sadness doesn’t have to be this domineering asshole that drains every situation. Sometimes you can admit something in passing that’s very upsetting and a person can acknowledge it and put your fears to rest with a simple statement.
I think people underestimate the power of good intent when it’s invested in a certain area. If you are genuine about where you are putting your energy and the cause of it you’re not going to come up short. Like when I am imagining a yellow light engulfing people’s issues I care about i imagine that it beats the darkness out of it and just exposes the matter in its objective ness without all the scary emotions attached to it.. When I do it, I feel like I can empathize with people but also look at whatever I’m dealing with from a standing still perspective to navigate to a solution or path to a different perspective.I feel like I can actually feel the energy I attach to the yellow light growing inside of me and replenishing something back Into me. I feel so strong.
In no way is it our full time responsibility to be there for people at their every need, but through this process of meeting people with complete openness I realize how much we sell ourselves short in our capacities. When I use this approach I don’t come out sad when all of it is over. It is replenishing to care because I come out on top with more energy and clarity every single time. And it makes me realize how it is not only possible to deal with such things without crumbling, but that it is very very plausible. When you put your love and care somewhere it is only going to grow. When you care greatly, you’re only inviting as equal of a feeling to come back into you later. It is not hard to listen so help people out. Never be afraid to reach your hand out and for the people who are scared to bombard others with their problems there are people out there who thrive off of helping people. Although there are a lot of people who could give a damn about people’s problems in depth and struggle to sit with struggles, I have met 3 people in my life who really really embody this same type of attitude toward helping in the degree I do. They could do it all day, they take great pride in it and get upset when they feel they can’t deliver advice in a way that is helpful. I know these people would give their everything to help because helping is one of the most important things they do in their life as it also is for me. I’ve been really blessed to meet people like this and in the sense that it is proof that such enthusiasm for service exists in the world beyond just accident or a once in forever stumbling.
All in all, Don’t ever underestimate the power of listening, your ability to do so and really gain something, and when others tell you they want to help you. Understanding you could just happen to be somebody’s everything.